It's not easy being amazing

I've not been around much lately but don't blame me for it, I was busy working really hard on my new fashion photo-shoots I've barely had any time to myself so why should I make time for you?

To be honest, I'm a little annoyed and disappointed with how ungrateful some people have been for all the hard work I've put into this blog or whatever it is that they call this thing here. Instead of receiving lots of lovely gifts from you I've received this letter instead and it made me so annoyed I just had to publish it and respond to it here:

Dear SFD cat,

The other day I was arguing with my best friend who said that you're not a proper fashion model and don't deserve all the money and fame that you have. 

She said that you don't really do any work at all (apparently cats are allergic to 'work' and at the mere mention of this word they tend to fall fast asleep, is that true?)  and that you mainly just snooze a lot, eat a lot of cream pies and even when you do your photo-shoots you generally just sit there, doing nothing at all, looking completely disinterested and in a bad mood.

As you are my fashion idol I felt really upset about her comments and told her that you are my hero and that one day I want to be just like you - famous, glamorous and going to all the best parties with famous people. She then laughed at me and told me I'm just wasting my time and that I should just look for a decent, sensible job instead.

I'm really hurt by her comments and feel that she just doesn't understand me and, even worse, that she doesn't appreciate you and adore you the way you deserve.

What should I do?

Your biggest fan,

Beryl

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Dear Beryl,

your friend is just jealous, ditch her immediately. Then go and get yourself a nice cat and observe her closely and model your behaviour on her. Pay particular attention to the way that the cat will ignore you extensively most of the time because it doesn't need anything from you and then become all cute and lovely and friendly when it wants something from you. This is a critical skill you must learn in order to be successful so pay close attention. 

Also observe very closely how persistent your cat will be when it wants something (your cream cake you're about to start eating, for example) and how it won't leave you alone until you give in. 

Another useful skill you should learn from your cat is how to revenge yourself when you don't get what you want. For example, you should start practising immediately how to scratch furniture and/or curtains, but preferably practice this at someone else's house to appreciate the full effect this approach has.

Alternatively, get your self one of those so-called sensible jobs then bore everyone at the office with your stories about how life's unfair.

Hope that helps.

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Do you have any dilemmas you would like me to help you with? Feel free to send me your problems you would like me to resolve with a cheque for million dollars and I'll be happy to help and change your life forever.