Why you should never work with amateurs

So this might make me sound all selfish and full of myself but somebody needs to speak up about this nightmare of working with those who are just not qualified to do the job and haven't got a clue about being professional.

See this dog that the model is holding? Well, that was meant to be me in that place but the photographer kept insisting that the dog should be the center of attention, not me. I later heard that the dog has some useful contacts (I think his second cousin Cecil was a stunt dog on one of the Hollywood movies or something, can't remember which one now) so he got him this gig as a favor.

As you can see from this photo he was getting all big headed and kept calling me a loser.

Well that was a big mistake. The dog could not wait until the photo shoot was over and before you know it he was doing something unmentionable next to this lamp post.

After the incident the model refused to hold the dog again or stand next to the puddle that the dog had made, and who can blame her?

Once the dog realized that none of his photos would end up in the magazine he kept barking questions about who turn the water tap on and kept the water running during this photo shoot. But I had no idea what that's got to do with any of this so I refused to answer any questions. What a loser.

Preparing for a fashion photo-shoot

Getting ready for a fashion photo-shoot can sometimes be a really stressful time with all those last minute tweaks and changes to make up and outfits they want us to model. But there are times when I just refuse to be rushed. It's important to remember to just step back from it all every now and then and just enjoy small pleasures in life.

On being unprofessional

We were shooting this photo last year and this model kept tripping over me, she just couldn't handle these high heels and kept saying that the reason she was wobbling around and couldn't pose in an attractive way was because of me!

"What's the cat doing in this photo!?" she kept screaming in a hysterical, but now when I think about it absolutely ridiculous and unprofessional way.

I told her maybe she should be wearing some comfy slippers instead. And that's when they made me wear this color-matching collar. I hate those collars. I hate the way I just gave in and let them put one on me. I look like a dork.

I'm never going to work with this model again. Ever.

What went wrong with my photo shoot for Elle front page

This is me, on the right, on the cover of Elle magazine. Yeah, I know, I've got my back turned to the camera, but I did it out of protest against the girl next to me who insisted on wearing a black dress for this shoot. And black is my color, damn it, she doesn't even look good in it. Unlike me, I look cool in black.

What you can't tell from this photo is that 2 minutes before this photo was taken she was crying like a baby because I told her that her face looks fat in this dress.

I heard through my contacts that she didn't eat anything but salad for 2 weeks after that. Serves her right.