Why you should never eat too much pie

Well, after the last week boring photo-shot my life got a lot more dramatic. I was asked to be the main model for this photo-shoot advertising a perfume and the photographer asked me to pose in a cute way on this piece of yellow silk next to a topless model.

It was time for this model to take her top off and pose in the background but she kept hesitating for ages until I was starting to get really bored and asked her what's her problem, why is she not taking her top off and posing for the shoot.

"I've eaten too much pumpkin pie this Thanksgiving and my tummy is looking huge!" she whispered to me nervously, "I can't go topless looking so fat right next to you looking so gorgeously slim." 

I showed no sympathy to her, after all I didn't get any pie this week so why should I care?

She then grabbed the piece of yellow silk I was posing on and quickly covered herself. I was desperately trying to hold onto it but she just wouldn't let go!

The photograph you can see here ended up in all the major fashion magazines, it was a huge success!

I've also heard rumors that I might be offered a role in the next James Bond film after I showed the world that I can put up such a good fight. Watch this space.

Feeling fed up

This week there's been no exciting photo opportunities for me and all I got was this photo-shoot for "Homes and Gardens" magazine where I had to peep from under the covers and look cute, but I just couldn't be bothered. We were asked to do some photos to promote a new line of bed sheets and to be honest it took a real effort not to just fall asleep from boredom of it all.


I was asked to participate in this photo-shoot after the magazine decided that using my friend Berty for this campaign just wasn't working because he's apparently put on too much weight recently. Here's one of the photos of him they've decided not to use, I guess he does look a lot less glamorous than me:

I don't think he looks fat in this photo at all, I think he just looks bored and desperate to go to a glamorous fashion party to drink champagne and eat cream.

I do miss all the glitter, sexy make up and high heel shoes, cocktail parties to go to after the photo-shoot, the glamor of it all already.

Why Jamie loves me

I often get invited by celebrities to join them on their TV shows to add a bit of glamor and sophistication to their program and to boost their TV ratings or increase their book sales or whatever. Most of the time I turn these celebrities down because to be frank I don't have time to mix with people less famous than me, my life on the catwalk and on fashion shoots is so busy I barely get to snooze for more than 20 hours a day anyway, so I really can't afford to waste any time.

But when Jamie sent me an email the other day asking begging me to be a special guest on his cooking program I could not resist. He wrote that he's lost his inspiration and couldn't think of any amazing recipes to demonstrate on his cooking show so he needed me there to give him inspiration, like I always do.
I gave him one of my old secret recipes - pizza with double cream.

He was really worried about cooking this pizza in front of millions of viewers who were watching his programs that night because he just couldn't see how can a pizza which contains only a pizza base and 4 liters of double cream possibly work.

But of course it worked and when he tasted it for the first time he was speechless, he was so overwhelmed with the amazing taste of my recipe I could see tears of gratitude welling up in his eyes.

After the program was over Jamie and I were just chilling in his dressing room and he told me he'll be forever grateful that I took some time from my busy schedule to come and help him when he needed me most.

For those of you who can't wait for Jamie's new recipe book which will feature this amazing double cream pizza recipe I've decided to generously share it here with you:

Ingrediants:
1 pizza base
4 liters of double cream.

Cooking instructions:
1. Bake pizza base in the oven for about 10 minutes.
2. Take it out of the oven and wait for it to cool down.
3. Pour cream all over it.
4. Eat it.

For those of you who are short of time due to busy life like me, just ignore the pizza base altogether and eat the cream.

Enjoy.