She just couldn't leave me alone

I was chatting to some of my modelling friends few nights ago at a party and one of the models told me who was the joker who sent me a huge box of fresh vegetables with a note "Eat these, they're good for you" as a Christmas present.

When I found out it was her I was absolutely outraged! After everything I've done for her and all the helpful advice I've shared to help her become more glamorous and successful how could she do this to me? To make the insult even worse she told all my modelling friends that she sent me those vegetables to help me lose some weight. As if i need to do that, I am perfect just as I am, what's wrong with this woman?

Anyway, few days ago I've had to do yet another Vogue photo-shoot and she was just hanging around desperate to spend a bit of time with me and ask me for more hints and tips on how to get a gig with Vogue. Deciding not to be angry with her any more and remain helpful like I've always been (I just can't help it) I told her to stop shaving her legs so that she can try to look as hairy as me.

I thought she would have been grateful for this helpful and generous advice but apparently she's now really angry with me because the last photo-shoot she was booked for was cancelled because the photographer was not able to stop staring at her legs for long enough to take a single photo.

Why is she angry with me? What have I done? Actually, I don't care, I'm not going to waste my time on this, I have some snoozing to do.

Why you should never eat too much pie

Well, after the last week boring photo-shot my life got a lot more dramatic. I was asked to be the main model for this photo-shoot advertising a perfume and the photographer asked me to pose in a cute way on this piece of yellow silk next to a topless model.

It was time for this model to take her top off and pose in the background but she kept hesitating for ages until I was starting to get really bored and asked her what's her problem, why is she not taking her top off and posing for the shoot.

"I've eaten too much pumpkin pie this Thanksgiving and my tummy is looking huge!" she whispered to me nervously, "I can't go topless looking so fat right next to you looking so gorgeously slim." 

I showed no sympathy to her, after all I didn't get any pie this week so why should I care?

She then grabbed the piece of yellow silk I was posing on and quickly covered herself. I was desperately trying to hold onto it but she just wouldn't let go!

The photograph you can see here ended up in all the major fashion magazines, it was a huge success!

I've also heard rumors that I might be offered a role in the next James Bond film after I showed the world that I can put up such a good fight. Watch this space.

Sometimes it can be tough even for me

It's been a tough week for me. I've had to do this photo-shoot for lingerie company and the model I was working with made me feel so insecure about my looks that I just couldn't face revealing more than my head in the photo.

I had to hide most of my body behind that sofa arm even though the photographer kept asking me to perch gracefully on the  arm of the sofa and look mysterious.

Well, peeping behind the sofa arm was as mysterious as I could get that day. All I could think about was getting over and done with this shoot and heading home to have a nap think about my future as a model. 

Do you think I should keep modelling?

On being unprofessional

We were shooting this photo last year and this model kept tripping over me, she just couldn't handle these high heels and kept saying that the reason she was wobbling around and couldn't pose in an attractive way was because of me!

"What's the cat doing in this photo!?" she kept screaming in a hysterical, but now when I think about it absolutely ridiculous and unprofessional way.

I told her maybe she should be wearing some comfy slippers instead. And that's when they made me wear this color-matching collar. I hate those collars. I hate the way I just gave in and let them put one on me. I look like a dork.

I'm never going to work with this model again. Ever.